The Witch's Apprentice

just disappear into vacuum as we stare at the pixelated blobs.

isn't nice isn't it. living in the present, described by t_0 with a width \Delta t resulting from the uncertainty principle.

if the infinitely many then presents are gonna melt into the then future and if i don't make any grave mistakes in those infinitely then presents, then the future shouldn't be too far off from simulation right?

yeah, maybe i'm being naive with my minute search space or whatever, but seriously, there's not enough data. so i'll stick to data collection for now. empirical approach ftw! haha.

i saw a mynah-ish bird in the courtyard today. it was inspecting the yard to see if it's suitable for building its nest.

what a retard. your fate will be like that of the pigeon couple's last year; their nest got cleared away when josie and i cleaned that place of pigeon shit in early summer. i can still rmb the pigeon's stunned face when it returned from 'hunting'. it just stood there for a long time with a tilted head and then it walked about, flew away, came back and tilted its head. i really hate pigeons. so i was actually hoping that they had produced some eggs so i can be weevil and clean them away. but they didn't. i kinda like mynahs though. i hope this retard wouldn't choose to nest here. it's just a dead end.

but anyway, the main point of this whole story is that i'm really intrigued by how birds think. how do they feel the need to reproduce? why reproduce? but anyway, they somehow want to leave a copy of their genes behind and they need a conducive environment for that, so they need a place to nest. where to nest? what is the criteria for a good nesting place? so as the mynah was scanning the courtyard, what exactly went on in its birdhead? is it like criteria 1, checked, criteria 2, checked, and it'll choose the place if there are enough criteria satisfied. or maybe the different criterion are weighted. like, criteria 1 checked --> x points. criteria 2 checked --> 2 points. and if the no. of points passes a certain threshold, it'll choose that place. or maybe there are some necessary but not sufficient criterion.

sounds like particle detectors right?

oh wells. it's all about making decisions.
we're free to make decisions. but we're not free to choose what's available for us as options to be chosen.

but i'm too excited to.

that pair of shoes was priced at 120 pounds.
but it was on sale and i bought it for 9 pounds. well, the price tag said 20, but somehow it was 10, and i had 10% student's discount.

zomg. zomg zomg.

it's really pretty <3
and it's surprisingly comfortable.

ahh. i love well-made shoes.

i was trying to prove some random stuff about parity and the dirac equation when i desperately needed the gamma matrices to commute with my derivative. so i asked google. and i saw this book that says that you can DEMAND the matrices to commute with the derivative.

like whoa. that works too? you mean you can DEMAND it to commute like that?

wooo. so cool ah.

so fucked.

so so bad at relativity. no, i don't mean GR. i haven't taken GR yet. i mean SR. it's just SR damn it.

i'm so fucked. so so fucked.

while looking through some photos for the nth time, i realised that happiness can sometimes be so overwhelming that you only realise that it's there after the data analysis. and then you get hit by this shockwave of realisation, 'ah. i was happy then.' and then you get hit by the wake, 'i'm that person who was happy. in fact, i'm still happy, even at this particular moment, i'm entitled to this happiness.'

very strange right? this realisation.
and kinda unbelievable right? this entitlement.

i've always defined happiness as a deviation from the norm. but actually, right now, i think there's an overall dc offset to my happiness level. and yet, can i detect this dc offset. wow. i actually made a dc measurement! i think the experimentalists will kudo me. dc measurement lehhh.

anyway, back to nuclear and particle physics problem sheet.

but it's sooo goooood. zomg. chances are, i'll never go to russia. ever. but the food is so goooood.

a friend who's back working in the organisation.
a friend who received unexpected imba help on her otherwise hopeless project.

a lot of things just need some getting used to. physicists call that renormalisation; we throw away delta functions by hand. (and the math dude cringes in a superposition of agony, disgust and indignation).

a lot of things just happen to solve themselves because of the random behaviour of fellow human beings.

but either way, i'm glad that they're glad.
glad is such a mild word. but a mild word is exactly what i need to describe that feeling.
zen is good. zen is good. it's like being at the valley of beta stability. -ohm-

-tosses boson-
here you go. may the force be with you.

to not be able to have a punctual new year post is a good thing. it just means that you're happily away on holiday or smt. okay, to be utterly honest, i was happily away on holiday until the 4th, and i've been spending the past few days in bed nursing my bad bad cold.

this lack of synchronization between the academic and calendar year is really annoying, cause it makes reflection difficult, especially when you're a student and the flavour of your life is largely dependent on whatever's happening in school. well, the past year has been fine. it started out bad, but it managed to work itself out.

i can't rmb the bad things that happened, besides screwing up year 2 because i was being a major slack-ass. and besides loosing wookie for the year because of MM. but loads of good things happened. ah ha. too many to enumerate. or perhaps i'm just too shy to talk about it. or smt along that line. but yeah. hmmm. the best bit was prolly in summer.

gahhh. i miss summer.
i miss the senseless plotting of graphs, desperate attempts to crash-course basic particle physics, yoshi's random arrows and the bland but zen company of mr nice smile.
aiya, it was basically damn good.

i hope this coming summer will be equally blissful :)
even if i get screwed by the germans again, i'll at least be working for yoshi again :)

as for resolutions...i dunno. i kinda have none. shit. i just wanna continue leading a balanced life. the exercise at least once a week to get rid of extra fats, eat more veggies, put in my best for work, rely less on other people. yeah, that's about it. like some sort of self-contained self-subsistent module that can be plugged in/pulled out of the social world.

the long-awaited moment has arrived. i've always known that it will arrive. but still, that doesn't alleviate the anxiety of the wait.

camus is a freaking smoker. humans can't live without hope, and yet not in despair. we need hope. or at least i do. because there is a future, that's why i'll pull through to get to that point. and by that time, it would have become the present. and then i'll try to live in the present and soak it all up.

and soon, the long-awaited moment will pass. i've always known that it will pass. which is why i want to be glad that i've enjoyed that moment while it lasted. okay. i should get going.